She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
