I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
