there's paper in my vomit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
