I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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