You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize