going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
