In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
