Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
