Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
