Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
