What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize