ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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