i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
