I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
