I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
