I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
