I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
