Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
