i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
