Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
