Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
