there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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