my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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