you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
