He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
