so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have tasted many bathrooms
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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