life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize