If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
