HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She needs sedatives and a leash
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
