high people should be assigned attendants
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize