i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
