My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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