8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
