Pants 0. Shit 1.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
