he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
