Michael Bay diarrhea
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
