I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
