she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
