Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
