hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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