At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize