i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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