i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
