dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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