He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize