I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
