I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
