so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
