I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
