Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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