Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
