Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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