Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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