sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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