I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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