I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
