I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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