Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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