You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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