There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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