Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
