that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
