Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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