There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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