Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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