I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
