I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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