Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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