im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
