I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
