the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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