Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
