did you get engaged???
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
