Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
