Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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