a search helicopter?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
