my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i have two assholes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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