I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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