When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
