I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
