What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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