All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
