he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
