He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
