do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize