do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
