We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love having hate sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
