If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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