Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
