theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
