I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
