I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize