I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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