i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to make out with him forever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
