She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
