I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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