The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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