He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
