That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
