how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
