So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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