You just made me feel so damn special
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
pray to the hookup gods
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
