I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
