I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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