so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
