reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
