Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
